Martha Stewart Cookbook review

Martha Stewart's Wedding Cakes, The Professional Collection: Volumes 1-34


This cookbook series is without a doubt the finest, most marriage affirming splediferous magnificitudical book set ever written in the history of printed literature.

Some accuse ol' MS of being overly far fetched and ridiculous, and waaay too elaborate. I say such criticism is misguided, given how easy to follow her careful instructions are on how we all can be just like her! The MS way needs to become everyone’s new standard of living, and Martha shows us how!

Her volume on barn building, for instance, to house the cow that will be later milked for the butter cream frosting doesn't leave the reader wandering the lumberyard like a dolt, but painstakingly guides the reader by the hand through the entire list of everything necessary to build a barn so fine it inspires many a jealous Amish bar fight when the happy couple is presented with it as a starter home wedding gift!!

A later volume treats the reader to Martha’s comprehensive instruction on how to research the lineage of the would- be butter provider, clearing the way for even those with no experience in genealogical investigation to secure absolutely the finest calf in all the land. Not even Martha’s psychiatrist is as fascinated by Martha’s passion for exploring in minute detail the calf selection process as I am, making this volume easily my favorite!!

The volume on growing then harvesting the grain that will both feed the cow and become the base for ALL of the cakes in this book was skimpy in comparison to all the other topics MS delves into on an almost cellular level. This was as surprising as it was disappointing. The first volume in the series, however, “Prefaces, Explanations, and Thank –You’s” explains why.

In the original draft, MS had included a detailed field guide to the weeds that would eventually need to be hand pulled from the garden & instructions on transforming them into wreaths, salads and homemade medicines. The legal team at the publishing house feared the threat of nuisance lawsuits from home grown antibiotic fatalities, so the grain volume became the quickest -and lightest- book in the entire set. Weighing in at only 14 ¼ pounds secures this volume’s title as the logical choice for bathroom reading material!!!

Martha more than redeems herself in the mortar and pestle construction volume! The kids and I bonded during the hundreds of leisurely weeks we spent scouring the countryside for dried up river beds in order to scavenge them for appropriately sized and shaped rocks. I don't mean to ruin the surprise, but this section includes a 6' x6' plastic laminated fold- out enclosure where you actually can compare your rock to Martha's. This portable tool made us feel as if Martha’s shining presence was actually with us in the poison ivy and mosquitoes!

Realizing how busy people are these days, she merrily gets the reader's focus back where it belongs and brings it all back to the cow and the critically important semen selection process. 'No Baby, No Butter!' that volume is cheerfully called. It does an excellent job making the reader feel right at home in the grubby world of semen collection, with many helpful hints to make this necessary aspect of biology just as elegant as all MS productions are.

Oh yes, this is the cookbook that will give you a PhD level knowledge of life. So next time you're at Barnes & Noble, bring your forklift with & buy this 34 volume set!